Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Window Pain

Window Pain


A drizzling rain masks my cheek covered tears of pain.
This pain looks out on myself through cracked window panes.
Blame grew fast never missed, how did it ever come to this, its so insane.
I want to tear down this house but where do I start.
I pick up the brick that ripped my life apart
Throw it at the house at the window the window falls apart.

Shattering my own vision of my past self where's the beauty now 
Tattering skin with ink of memories, who's gunna hold your hand now?
In front of an unconditionally conditioned house.
This emotionally broken home, this mental home I grew up in alone.
No salvation I could see in the foundation that I saw
Teetering on life waiting to jump off

Broken doors broken windows broken floors
Falling down broken stairs she said she'd be there for
Through a broken door she said she'd push me through
But its my own two feet I stand on
Can anyone see what it is I need to lean on
They said they'd never leave me  they said they'd never run away
So use to it now its me that's afraid to stay.

But its ok now I'm moving on now
Gotta open my heart to whoever she may be 

Walk down the driveway all by my lonesome 
tryin to leave behind this broken home
I look up from the driveway and see the rainbow
Am I the pot of gold at her feet that melts this snow
A large coffee four splenda to go
Or perhaps a chocolate latte as she fights for me I know
A complex hug from the gateway of Yosemite that's so far away

Rain soaked clothes its hard to hold my head up
Looking at myself leaving through a stained peep hole
Gotta dry myself off because this rain is taking a toll
Sometimes my own shoes are too big to fill 
how could I ever live up to this role.

I look back at the broken window glass looking at my own ass 
I wonder how did I ever make it how did I ever last
But I look back now at myself looking forward in time 
I know I'll be doing just fine
She reads into me wants to be with me but it all frightens me
I stay awake I play it ok so I start to run away

Retreat in my mind only to defeat
Release of my mind that I tend to repeat
In a set of arms there for me not to harm
So tortured and tormented I gotta stay armed
Forces stand by my side as I try to keep in stride
In a world so cold so alone only my heart will know
To another place a darker side I seem to go

Monday, May 09, 2011

The Ballerina

I've been waiting for one year to release this one...



When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

Wooden footsteps echoing through a haunted hallway
Make my way all the way to the top of the rickety stairway.
In my minds attic it begs me to stay
I open the door and push the junk out from of my way
And make my way to the toy chest in the room just about mid way
I step a little closer and see some dresses hanging from the arch way
I look out the window but the window is covered by blood spray
In it are finger prints of a smeared happy face

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

I hear a melody silenced from with in the toy chest
It was jealousy that led them to their final rest
I kneel down in front of the chest looking for the singing present but its locked
I reach for it and it opens just from my presence and I balk
I stare and I gaze I am so happy
All the pain she caused deep down inside of me
Saving the memories for all eternity
A reminder of what used to be trapped in me

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

Mutilated body parts as the raven taps me
He looks down as I look down somethings gurgling in my tummy
I'm salivating hyperventilating I must be getting hungry
Like a needle in the vein it really stung me
But the tune is still playing  I need to stay focused
Oh I remember her she begged to be choked quick
I push her parts aside digging through the dried blood
That one is bloated must have been the one that died in the flood

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

Body parts falling out on the floor later I will have to clean and scrub
Maybe I'll just take a bath with them in my grandmothers cast iron tub
Hair follicles and nail particles that would make for a good bar be Que. rub
I continue sifting through looking for the music
There it is right on top the chainsaw when did I last use it?
I think I'll start it up carve another one up or maybe just set it aside and polish it
The small ballerina dances in circles little does she know
That soon I will bite her head off just as soon as I finish this flow

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

I get undressed and spin circles with her close to my heart
We are laughing we are dancing  soon her head will part
I love dancing with my ballerina by ourselves in the dark
But it will be light soon and my day I will have to start
So I close her lid again and cover her back up in the toy box
Put the body parts back in so they don't get dirty from the dirt and rocks
I get dressed with everything including the sweater 
That I made from their hair it makes me feel better

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

I close the door behind me and walk back down the stairway
I brush my teeth I comb my hair I no longer look scary
I walk out my house the neighbors they all are staring 
I get in my car I don't get far there's a cop siren blaring
I turn off the keys they approach me and say please step out the ford fair-lane
They pulling me they tugging me by my collar
Little do they know that they have just pulled the hair of my victims
Careful officers I hand made this sweater with my bare hands
Right after I chopped off their fair hands
And it all starts again I hear the music and get hungry again
I wake up and then wonder when will I be able to dance again

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me

When will I awake when will I begin to see
The pain that she speaks the pain that I see is the pain she besets on me